Alone in marriage - Part I

First I will thank the Lord for my husband. He is a great man with faults and enough love to put up with mine. Our Lord has been teaching and showing me all the wonderful things about his son and those things I wanted to marry.

Spiritually we are separate. I am alone when I pray over our needs; alone when considering our child’s spiritual needs. Alone when it comes to my family and alone when I serve God through the church. Now granted, I serve a large family at Calvary Chapel of Melbourne. I serve a large number of parents and their children in the Children’s Ministry. I absolutely love being around the little ones and enjoy them. The senor pastor, Mark Balmer, is a very gifted speaker and a great man.

I can walk through those doors, with close to or over 6,000 people (on a weekend – with 3 services) and sit in service or serve in the Children’s Ministry and feel utterly alone. I remind myself – when I see couples walking down the aisles or sitting huddle together – that Jesus is with me and He is sitting next to me, but it is not the same. (I am so glad God hears our hurts even though we don’t say them!) These days are pretty hard. Just coming home is even harder.

It is amazing how two people can love each other - through trials and adversity, through happy times and times when life seems to be altogether – a hole forms in one and it won’t be filled. God says in 1 Corinthians 7:14(NIV) For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

Mr. Gary L. Thomas’ book Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands, I would have to recommend for all of us who are unequally yoked. There is so much vital information, spoken in brotherly love, to help us to understand our husbands. It also helps us to become real “helpers comparable to him.” (Gen. 2) This book is amazing; it gave me hope and showed me things I did not know, but I was still left alone. Do not misunderstand me, Mr. Thomas’ book is a spiritual gift to us woman; he gives practical advice, helps you to understand why your husband is the way God created him. Please take the time to read it, allow it to sink in, meditate on it, pray over it and go to God before you sit and read. Take it slow, try some of or all of the advice he gives. Just remember it will take time; a lot of time for anything to happen. When you are discouraged, go to God on your knees and cry out.

For me…well, I am still alone and I know, one day God will allow my husband to walk into church with me or better yet, just pray with me. It has been a long marriage of ten years – more than most, now days, can say. I love my husband and continue to pray for him, as does our daughter.

So what do I do to handle the spiritual loneliness? I pray, I go to my friends (women – not men) at church, and I try to make sure I am not in situations where Satan can push me over the edge. Meaning, I do not allow myself to become too involved with men in my area of ministry. That is something that Satan knows is a weakness. My husband and I have different interests, so I try to find a middle ground for us. My husband is awesome with military facts and aircraft; I love to read and write, play with kids and NASCAR, so finding middle ground there can be hard, but we both make and effort.

That has a lot to do with what God is doing in our home. I make an effort to be the wife God wants me to be and I try to “help” my husband in everyway possible. No it is not easy. Yes I get discouraged. Yes I am lonely, but with God on my side, my husband has no chance of getting away.

Keep praying…keep praying…keep reading your Bible…keep going to God on your knees. Keep yourself connected with godly woman and most important keep looking to God. Do not give up or Satan wins!